I met these dudes at a Cinco de Mayo celebration yesterday. We started talking about dating, not dating each other, just dating in general. I'm by no means an expert, because my dating patterns are careful and specific. I date with a purpose.
See I feel like if you become consumed with casual dating, your life begins to be shaped around always having 'somebody'. Instead of really focusing on an individual, you try and fit every potential suiter within the general space that you've carved out for 'somebody' to exist within. You begin to do things like ask cliche questions and give stock answers.
Whether they're a good fit has nothing to do with them, and everything to do with all the individuals that came before them and what impressions those people left in that space...That's baggage and it's not helping your cause. I use the same logic when it comes to job hunting. I don't casually apply for jobs, either. I am careful and specific. I apply with a purpose.
Anyway, I digress.
One of the guys at the table said something along the lines of, 'I want to meet a woman who could fall in love with me at my worst'. His logic being that if he met her when he wasn't his best self, and she stuck around, then she's the one...
Sorry. Does not compute.
Seriously. There are certain dating phenoms that make no sense, no matter how much I think on it. And this is one of them.
I was talking to my writer-friend Kevin, and he asked me about my last relationship and what I learned. I gave the short version and admitted I made some mistakes. But when it got to the part about what I learned from it, I couldn't answer. Kevin could. He told me that in his last relationship, he learned about his boundaries and what makes him tick. I was impressed--until I remembered he's a writer. All of his learnings are probably documented :)
While I wish everyone enlightenment, the reality is that we don't all reach the point of 'learning about relationships', or anything else for that matter, from our mistakes. There are too many people who believe they aren't making any mistakes. And even more who choose not to learn anything from them. Like the Cinco de Mayo guy.
I just don't operate within such spaces.
I think it's great to talk about relationships. How to build them and how to keep them. However, the bottom line is that being successful in a relationship, starts and ends with you. It's about self-awareness. If you're good at relationships, you can walk away and take something from each of them. If you're not, you can walk away and it ends up taking something from you.
And you live your life like Cinco de Mayo guy--always talking, because talking is the easy part. Instead of creating and exploring options with people at your BEST, you walk around showing people your worst and then 'hoping'.
What comes first--being stupid or being hopeful?
Anyway, Cinco de Mayo guy was rude. Not only did he say I was materialistic and shallow, but he said my friends were unapproachable. When I asked him if he felt better after being so disrespectful to strangers, he responded with a predictable 'yeah, I do!' Saying hurtful things because they feel good is the easy part.
I was angry. And when I drove away, I stuck my hand out of the window and gave him the middle finger. MAN, THAT FELT GOOD!!!
...Then I turned around, and I went back and apologized.