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This Election Is About Values, Not Money

If McCain is elected... We will have elected a corporation where we needed a start-up

I understand Holly Hoffman.  And I understand Barack Obama.  To be honest, that's the real reason I'm voting for him.  This isn't a political blog, it's a personal one.  I'm not really writing with an aim to discuss my opinion on their respective platforms, but rather to discuss what led me to my decision.  I hope you all understand that and continue to keep reading.  

Barack Obama's value system understands that ultimately, money is just a means to an end.  In other cultures, hard work is the means.  In those cultures they build their own homes, they educate their own children, and they barter their own goods and services for the things they care about.  But here in America, money is our means; and we buy all of that.  In essence, what you spend your money on dictates the types of values you carry.               

Barack feels like the majority of the people who are struggling right now possess strong, ethical values.  Their dollars can't dictate that.  I agree with him because a lot of those people work for me for 7 or 8 bucks an hour.  Every day they teach me lifelong lessons about hard work, sacrifice, and discipline.  Their dollars don't dictate that.  

In my circle, money is prevalent.  Not present, but prevalent.  The difference between my prevalent and other's prevalent is that mine is prevalent within the old adage, to whom much is given, much is required.  It's not prevalent like, 'I got this and you don't".  My circle's dollars dictate that. 

All the folks who are saying that young people like me aren't voting for the issues are not understanding the real issue for young people like me: VALUES.

The fundamental difference the candidates speak of isn't based off economics, it's based off values.  Economics assumes that all people behave rationallly, but values assume that all people behave like humans.  The problem with behaving as a human is it's different for everyone and being different evokes judgement; that's the real reason people get so passionate. 
 
Values are different; they're not rational and they're not emotional because they're matters of the heart.  They are your truth and what you believe to be right.  Any decisions that are based off your value system are going to be questioned because it's difficult to present sufficient research to substiantiate your assertions.  Thank God Barack and his team can substantiate his values!  

I guess my point is that some people are not driven by the need to be able to explain matters of the heart sensibly; some people are just driven by the need to be able to feel.  Butterflies, guts, and the like.  That's what makes us human.  And that's why I'm voting for Barack Obama.

Listening is a Choice. So is Forgiveness

I was chatting it up with a guy at a bar we went into.  He was an older white male who had flown in on a private jet with some of his friends for some golf.  They were all from "Bahston" and had funny accents.  He complimented on my sweater and noted the quality of the fabric, then he started opening up about his life.  So I paid him the ultimate compliment and started listening. 

My new friend told me that after you achieve a certain level of wealth, people stop making you laugh.  He said that the people who surround him are scared of offending him.  Even his friends and family.  He said they're so afraid their mouths are going to write a check they can't cash, that they stop being funny.  He liked sitting next to me because I wasn't scared.  I made him laugh. 

He made me laugh too.  While the rest of the world is worried about how they are going to pay their mortgage, the extremely wealthy are worried about who is going to make them laugh.  Everything that shines ain't a diamond... 

I thanked him for the drinks and tapas he purchased, then he leaned over and told me I was worth 150 million dollars.  When I replied, "Eh, that's just because of the recession," he laughed again and we parted ways.  I'm positive that our conversation, and the accompanying laughs, will stay with him for a while. 

I wasn't blessed with the gift of gab, but I have great conversations with strangers all the time because I read much more than the average person.  Reading makes me quick on my feet--a skill that has proved to do wonders with not only with conversations, but with customer service and awkward silences as well.  I usually can concoct some sort of witty response that is applicable to a wide range of people and personalities.

Lately, however, I've been having trouble finding the right things to say.  Needless to say, I've been spending a lot more time apologizing.      

A good friend of mine is going through a divorce.  His soon to be ex-wife did something that he felt was a violation of his privacy.  When he called me to talk about it, he was furious.  I asked what was wrong, he explained the situation, and my response was "I think you should get over it".  He got quiet.  Again, I asked what was wrong.  This time he said, "I was expecting a different reaction from you".

Oh. Sorry. 

Then I upset someone and when I realized it, I couldn't think of anything to say so I asked, "How angry are you?".  The answer came back in a form as simple as the question, "Very".  I responded with, "Fuck. I'm sorry." When I didn't hear back, I assumed this friend was expecting a different reaction as well. 

Listening is a choice.  And when people choose to listen to you, they expect things like comfort, reassurance, direction, and knowledge in return.  Thus, the burden of the communicator.     

I realized the burden of great communication as a manager early in my career.  As a result, I'm typically very disciplined with my communication.  The majority of what I say is deliberate and mulled over until it comes out as clear as possible.  When I speak, both my intentions and expectations should be neatly packaged in a few sentences.  The deal should be sealed with techniques from the school of metaphors, slang, body language and vocal tones so that the authenticity is not completely lost in the mulling.  I swear, I'm typically pretty good at all this.  Lately, I've sucked.

The more I apologize for things said and done wrong as a communicator, I wonder if it's selfish of me to ask for expect something from all those I've offended...then again, perhaps forgiveness is the burden of the listener.

What Happens When Your Dreams Aren't in Line With A Business Cycle?

What happens when your dreams aren't in line with a business cycle?  Can you still just dream? Or do you start to adjust? You know, like when you want a new job when no one is hiring. I wonder if this is the kind questioning that births pessimists and if I should stop.  Then I realize I can't stop because if I am feeling it, then it is real...miraculously, I stop questioning after that.  

Resentment.  I really like my new boss. I know I was hard on him, but he has really proved himself.  Today he told me something really nice and my ego was warmed by his genuineness.  Then I had a meeting with my team and realized they are becoming an amazing group of women.  I don't credit myself for their growth, but I will undoubtedly blame myself if they do not maintain it once I leave.  I wonder if they will resent me for leaving to pursue the same traits for myself that I've been pulling out of them these last few months...

Friendship.  I'm going to the beach with my oldest friend this weekend.  We haven't traveled together since we were in high school.  She said she needed to get away and I was surprised she chose me to get away with.  Last month, when she was visiting me, I told her something about me that I had never shared with anyone.  It was nothing to be proud of but I shared it because I thought she needed to hear it. I wonder if she judges me or trusts me more because of it...

Trust.  Today I saw someone who I've only met one other time. The first time we met, I had my guard up because I didn't know her.  We connected anyway because she was determined to break through it.  I always think about the how and the why of her feat, but then I stop because I don't have time. 

I don't cry in front of anyone, even though I cry regularly.  I hear it's good for the soul so I indulge.  When I was crying in the car because I was on the way back to Charlotte, I wanted to call this person.  I know she felt it.  Today when I saw her again and hugged her, I wanted to spill everything I'd been feeling, but came back and wrote about it here instead.  I've only met her one other time.  Does that make me strange? 

Writing, and the dangers of REALLY writing scares me.  Penelope Trunk says I should stop feeling so friggin special.  Because I'm not.  Penelope tells the story of her childhood and how Anne Frank spoke to her as a child, "not because she was documenting war, but because she understood that in some people, the drive to write down what is happening is stronger than anything else." 

Penelope goes on to say that "the history of obsessive writers destroying lives around them is not new. The history of writers feeling an insanely huge need to tell something to the world at all costs is not new."  It's not new.  So I just should write and write freely, right? RIGHT? mmkay.

I want to write children's books.  I want to write books that don't take them to fantasy lands.  Books that teach them to use their eyes, and not necessarily their imaginations.  I want to teach kids to appreciate the world as it is right now.  The same one that is full of imperfections and tragedy.  The same one that they are living in right now.  Is that child abuse? Nah, I think that's true creativity...  

I want to expand my website and I am thinking I need to spend more time brainstorming.  I have a vision but money is tight.  I am working 11-12 hour days and haven't found the time to contribute to  building a brand other than the one that pays me.  I have a vision but money is tight.  What happens when your dreams aren't in line with a business cycle?

I would absolutely love to work for the companies I applied to last week.  I've been busy researching to ensure that this is a right fit.  It is.  Meanwhile, I'm just praying that they call me.  I'm also praying for the Obama family--Barack, Michelle, Sasha, and Malia.  I pray for their friends too, because I know how much the Obama's must be relying on them right now. 

To be completely honest, their victory would mean more to me than my own...What happens when your dreams aren't in line with a business cycle?

I miss my family.  I want to drink Cognac with my brother at his new bachelor pad.  I want to have girl talk with my teenage cousins and answer questions about french kissing and thong underwear.  I want to get wisdom from those in my bloodline who have been there and done that.  I want to be candid with the aunts who are realizing that I am a woman now--I want to need them.  Damn.  I want to spend 2 weeks in Texas this Christmas.  I work in retail...what happens when your dreams aren't in line with a business cycle?    

I'm thinking about B.  I wonder if he'll notice the changes in me and then not like them. It scares me because I love him.  

I'm thinking about S.  I wonder when he'll notice the changes in me and then start to like them. It scares me because I love him. 

I'm thinking about Tiffany and her family.  I wish her the best though I've never met her because she is the lady of the household.  I am thinking about Cheryl. James. Kellen...Lauren. Jen. Rubble. Sean. Angelia. Nancy. Monica.  I find I often don't have time to share the words I have for them, but they are on my mind.  And I probably scare them, because...they love me. 

I'm thinking about quitting.  I wonder if my personality would remain in tact without the security of a job.  People keep telling me urban legends about people who are job hunting and failing.  My immediate reply is "but I have so much I want to do".  No sooner then the words slip my from my lips, that the doubt sets in...is it really so much I want to do? Or is it just so much I want to think about?  There's a difference and the difference, I find, depends on the catalyst. 

This is really more of a stream of consciousness then a blog post simply because I hate soul searching. I'd much rather have something tangible to show for whatever I was trying to accomplish.  That's why I write, that's why I shop, and that's why I painted my walls two shades of orange earlier this year.   

However, I'm comforted by the idea that I'm not alone in this quality. I get to see it played out every single day.  Manypeople find solace in things. You shop, therefore I blog...about ya'll.  

About ya'll.

Part of me will be so happy when people start shopping again.  Part of me won't...what happens when your dreams aren't in line with a business cycle?  

There Are Times When You Shouldn't Be Yourself...

My thoughts are controversial at times.  My value system can be interpreted as rebellious. I'm fascinated by extreme lifestyles and constantly read about them.  This is me.  Straight, no chaser.  I'm impatient and have little tolerance for certain personality types.  I'm moody and introverted. 

For me, love is an action verb and I love easily.  If I had a choice, I would indulge in whatever I'm loving at the moment all the time; even if it was deemed unhealthy.  

In the odd fusion that is my personality, I find that I have all the makings of a potentially tragic story. 

It's poetic and profane all at once. 

Today, when someone asked me to write a love story, I chose to write about my quest to create the perfect career.  My explanation was simple, "my career saved me from myself...and I will always love it for that reason alone." 

When I graduated, I found a position in retail where my personality was able to act as the perfect complement.  Starting a career invited structure and discipline into my world where those traits didn't come naturally.  Work gave my time and my actions purpose.  My job made me focus my energy into something positive.  Having a steady job made me well-adjusted, despite some traits in my personality that may have prevented that otherwise.  I was lucky.   

For a long time, my job served as a filter for the way I perceived my self-worth.  Through my work, I became a version of me that I could be proud of.  I looked forward for to the day when my personality would be wise enough to be it's own filter; that would be the day I could be my own boss.  
 
When my job stopped being complementary, the filter I'd been using for such an important part of my life wasn't as effective.  Without it, I immediately noticed some of the more toxic aspects of my personality beginning to take over.  In a few months I managed to end a great relationship, spend a lot of money I didn't have, and stop showing up for work. 

I was still being myself but, left to my own devices, I was awful. 

Everyone is capable of their own brand of crazy. 

No one is exempt from the undesirable traits and vices that can stem from just being yourself, when you're by yourself.  Thank God I had a system that recognized where I was headed and helped me make critical decisions about my life while those decisions were still cheap...waiting could've cost me my optimism. 

I believe that people are born with equal amounts of the potential to be successful and the potential to be lazy.  The unfavorable traits only dominate when there is not some mechanism, person, or thing in their life strong enough to keep them dormant.  For many people that stronghold is a job.  Which means for the many people who just lost their jobs (or have yet to find one) that aspect will be missing.  

So this post is dedicated to the people who may find themselves feeling alone in their thoughts, situations, or otherwise.  It's dedicated to those on the verge of depression because they are unfulfilled.  More importantly, to those who wrongly assume that they are strong enough to face those feelings alone.  You're not ready.  Just being yourself won't help you. 

It takes a big person to tell someone that being themselves is not good enough.  It takes an even bigger person to try being something else for a while...

Leverage Your Personal Brand With Slang

I'm an advocate for the responsible use of slang.

Recently I was presenting a Powerpoint to new managers and told them that one of the first things that they needed to do was take time to develop some swag. Someone in the audience asked me to explain what swag meant. So I did. 

I described swag as the perfect combination of poise, confidence, charisma and charm.  I told them how swag makes problem solving seem effortless and that when they see great leaders and think "wow...I hope that's me one day"--it's because of their swag. 

By no means is swagger a new word, nor was my concept, but lo and behold by the end of my presentation people wanted some.  And they wanted it from me.  Swag.  Not poise, not confidence, not charisma, but SWAG.  Same ingredients, just packaged differently.

Right there is the power of slang.        

If used correctly, slang not only can get you a few chuckles but it can also break the ice to ease tense situations.  Governor Palin has recently employed this tactic using terms like "Joe Six Pack American".  Of course, the Republicans and the media will call it "folksy" but, really, it ain't nothing but some slang. 

Yeah I said ain't... 

Because slang inevitably sets you apart from the rest of the crowd.  It brings attention to you and your cause.  It breaks up the monotony of common words and business acumen that plague our day to day lives.  When words become too common, their definitions get watered down and it becomes harder to incite emotion and action.  That's the beauty of slang.  Slang makes people stop and listen. 

Powerful brands understand this--personal brands should too. 

Below are some tips:  

1. Use it sparingly--Interjecting too many slang words into dialogue turns the conversation into something different. It puts the listener into a position where they have to translate instead of really engaging in the conversation.  A simple word every now and then is okay, an email that could easily be substituted as a rap lyric is not.  You just look like a poser. 

2. Stay in the loop--I pity the fool who still types "hahahaha" via text when a simple "lol" will do.  It's important that you know what's in and what's out.  There are a few ways to ensure this happens, but since we're in an economic crisis I'll talk about the one that's free: listening.  Listen to everything from pop culture to the nightly news.  And if you find you don't know things like who said "I pity the fool," go back and start again...  

3. Give contextual meaning--If you're going to use a slang word as a substitute for a noun, it's important that the rest of your sentence, or your body language, lends the listener some context so that they are able to determine meaning.  For instance, if I was going to talk about the increasing size of my badonkadonk to a crowd of bankers, I would need to point, make a face, or use a tone that indicates a badonkadonk is not slang for 401K.  Which leads me to my next point   

4. Know what the word means before you say it.  Offensive people are swaggerless.

5. Timing is everything when it comes to slang--Usually the aforementioned definition of the word will determine your timing (and audience) for you.  So while badonkadonk is completely appropriate for a Subway commercial, in reality I would think twice before using it in a crowd of bankers.  For them I may use something a little closer to home like "the benjamins"...       

6. Listen to hip-hop--Most trendsetters will tell you first hand that a lot of the fresh styles start off in poverty stricken areas the hood.  Creativity oozes from the disenfranchised, usually out of necessity.         

 And there you have it.  Up your swag.  Use some slang today, yo.

Optimism Should Be Allowed

Optimism should be allowed.  Especially now that I know what it is. 

In his famous "Howl," Allen Ginsberg said, "I saw the best minds of my generations destroyed by madness, starving hysterical naked...". Later, actor Alan Bennett said that the things that fail are the things you have the most affection for.  Destruction.  Madness.  Failure.  I guess that explains some of the doom-and-gloom surrounding some of the best minds of my generation lately. 

Optimism should be allowed.  Especially now that I know what it is. 

Optimism has more than one face.  But it is mostly about believing in the despite.  The despite is what keeps you from dwelling in your current situation.  The despite keeps you humble, grateful, and kind.  So despite my recent posts, optimism is a luxury that I can still afford. 

I am a huge optimist.   

Optimism is acknowledging that there's a greater world outside of the one you live in every day.   Optimism reminds you that even though you are experiencing bad, your bad is biased.  And that someone else in the world is experiencing good.  The prospect that tomorrow it could be you is enough to keep you going one more day.

Optimism saves lives.   

Optimism is understanding that true self-awareness is not always perky, but nevertheless still relevant.  It suggests that no experience is for nothing.   It reminds you that wanting a thing and being ready to receive it are completely different.  One just requires you to recognize it, while the other requires you to appreciate it. 

Optimism begets appreciation, appreciation begets responsibility, and responsibility begets discipline.  More specifically, it begets the discipline to maintain what is good...   

Optimism is believing that destiny is a determined parent--more determined than Wall Street, more determined than temporary set-backs, and certainly more determined than self-doubt.  Optimism is what's standing between you as an amateur and you as a rockstar. 

Optimism is hard work. Like intimacy.

Optimism is addictive.  For better or for worse, it's a helluva drug.  And today I took a hit...

Optimism should be allowed. Especially now that I know what it is.