I was at my parents house perusing through my old diaries and smiled at how fearless I was with my writing when I was younger. Back then, I didn't care if I projected rejection or desperation. Back then, I just wanted to get it out of my system in it's purest most organic state. In December 2001, I wrote about how I hadn't been kissed since September. I wondered if I would seem promiscuous if I kissed my date that night. In September 2008, I chuckled as I read it because it seemed so silly, but then smiled at the reassurance it gave me that I truly am a writer.
See I've always been fascinated with writing down what happens in my life each day. Writing stuff down ensures that I don't forget anything that happened in between. In between relationships, in between jobs, and most importantly, in between the communities of people that have chosen to accept me.
If I took the time today to figure out why I've stopped writing recently, I suppose it's because I haven't been chosen recently. The in between of my life right now is simply rejection...but with capital letters and exclamation marks (for emphasis). And REJECTION!!! sucks.
Often times we get so caught up in the world of Web 2.0 that we forget there exists a world outside of it. I've learned there are a myriad of differences between the world on my computer screen and the world outside my front door. The biggest difference being, on the Web, you get to choose your community. You can click on any site (for the most part), join in the conversation, and you are accepted as an active member of that community. Outside of the web, the community gets to choose you. The barriers to entry to real world communities are not as simple as the click of a blue hyperlink...
My aunt recently lost her home to Hurricane Ike. She is a single mom who has raised 2 sons. This is no easy task as a boy needs his father, but she's done it. I'm proud to be her niece because she is the perfect example that strength runs deep in this family.
One of her sons is bi-polar and suffers from chemical imbalances that cause him to not be able to focus on any given task, rage against loved ones, and hallucinate. The community of people who will accept him is limited for the rest of his life due to his condition. Because of something he cannot control, his most immediate community excludes basic things we take for granted like world-class employers and educators. That's something he deals with every single day. Luckily he was born into a family that loves him and will always support him in a way that is best, even if it's not fun. We're not his first choice, but we're the community that accepted him.
My aunt's older son went to school on a full scholarship for basketball, won championships, earned TWO degrees, and then managed to play professional ball overseas. My cousin grew up in the same household as his bi-polar brother, yet, the community that accepted him was much different. I guess because he's "normal". He is not limited by a chemical imbalance so his community consisted of coaches and university officials who ensured that he was exposed to something different outside the four walls where he rested his head.
My older cousin is almost 27 now. He works 2 hourly jobs--one as a cashier, one as a stock guy. He still has 2 degrees, his championship trophies, and several bullet points on his resume that indicate his athletic skills. But when he graduated, he was responsible for creating a new community and he didn't. Something someone of his stature could totally control but didn't. So this time the community that chose to accept him was one of complacency, and unfortunately he welcomed their invitation with open arms.
He works alongside people who have not seen CLOSE to what he has. Daily he hides the knowledge and life skills acquired from his 2 degrees because the community that he's in honestly doesn't give a shit. If you asked him about his career choices, I'm sure he'd say something along the lines of "it pays the bills" or "it keeps me busy". To you, that may be valid. But to me that just means this community wasn't his first choice, but it was the one that accepted him.
There you have it. Two completely different lifestyles that arrive at the same conclusion...
My older cousin is no different from the multitude of students who are graduating and will take that bad advice that tells them to "apply to whoever's hiring" and that "work is work--just get a job". But whether you are one of Warren Jeff's wives or a top performer at your current job, the truth is that once you're accepted into a community, it's hard to find the strength to leave it.
Don't give up. Stay hungry, stay foolish. Hell, move back in with your parents.
By default, whether you choose or you are chosen, the decision to blindly accept what is seemingly "given" to you eliminates thousands of other options. It's a shame that one never gets to investigate those options except by way of a "you shoulda" lecture where the ghosts of Career Past, Career Present, and Career Future pay you a visit. Bah Humbug!
So as I continue to job search and learn what it feels like to not be chosen, I am promising myself not to settle. I'm promising myself not to fall for the old adages of the past. And most importantly, I am re-committing myself to documenting the in between.
And to my Web 2.0 community: Your words have been life changing, folks.
Love, love this post. I think a huge part of it too is just your attitude. I mean, even if you have to take a job that's not exactly for you, as long as you continue to look forward you'll be miles ahead of everyone else.
Posted by: Rebecca | September 28, 2008 at 11:40 PM
Okay, so I had to work really hard to suck back the urge to shed a tear. Girl, girl, I knew from the time you were BABY, that your silence was not due to your inability to understand,quite the opposite, you were taking it all in and honing your skills to the deep understanding that you have now. One of the biggest things that seperates the 'haves' from the 'have nots' is the ability to choose. You are on course to have so many more choices in your lifetime. Just hang on and take 1 step at a time.
Posted by: jackie w. | September 29, 2008 at 05:04 PM
@Rebecca--Exactly! Thanks for visiting chica :)
@Jackie--Thanks for the encouragement as usual. And please don't cry!!
Posted by: Kiersten Mitchell | October 01, 2008 at 11:38 PM