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What Does Your Timestamp Say About You?

I think one of the most understated marketing tools is the timestamp. 

If you're like me, when you receive your emails your eyes dart around the To:, the CC:, and the timestamp.  And if you're like me, when you wake up and scroll through your RSS reader, you wonder how you have 212 new posts by 9:00AM.  If you're still like me, you then look to the timestamp for your answer.  Hi, my name is Kiersten and I am fascinated with how people spend their time...I'm also concerned that you're so much like me.   

I've found there are 3 things your timestamp can say about you before the content even comes into the picture:

1. Your relationship with sleep--I have a weird relationship with sleep.  I used to think it was just me and P. Diddy who felt like sleep was what happened when you stopped thinking about money.  For me, sleep has been an interesting side effect to LIFE. LIVING. BEING...Then I was comforted by Chris Brogan's post the other day.  He pretty much sums up my thoughts when he says "no I don't sleep. Until I do, and then I fall down asleep like a ton of bricks".  As much as I'd like to think that being awake has some sort of unparalleled benefit, I quickly found the evidence in favor of meticulously counting sheep outnumbers my theory by leaps and bounds.  It's pretty obvious to say that human error is linked to how much rest we've had. President Clinton (Bill) once said that every major mistake he made was done when he was tired.  While I don't have the weight of the US on my shoulders, I am the "boss" that my team goes home to talk about at dinner tables across Mecklenburg County...no pressure, right?

2. Your work/life balance (or lack thereof)--Whether you're an integrator or a "balancer", it will evidenced within your timestamps.  I have a boss who does not check email after 4 on Fridays until he returns on Monday.  According to basic economics, his scarcity makes him a hot commodity.  Since I'm perfectly irrational, I can't help but feel he's shirking on some responsibility.  Meanwhile, I have another boss who has his emails forwarded straight to his personal cell phone.  The response is quick and full of acronyms.  His signature lists his name, title, and while others have an inspiring quote or contact info, his asks for forgiveness for any spelling errors as he is using his Blackberry.  It always solicits an interesting reaction from first timers.  The cool thing about the whole personal branding movement is that you get to choose which image you want to convey.  You choose how available you are.  The problem comes when the image you chose gets misinterpreted.   

3. Your baggage--Yes your timestamp can reveal your emotional baggage.  I remember checking my email after we rolled some structural changes that were made within our company.  A colleague of mine sent me an email at 1:00AM starting with "I know it's late, but I can't sleep" and revealed her questions and concerns.  I was in HR and was prepared to answer them.  However as I kept going through my inbox I saw another one from her at 3:15AM, 3:18AM, and at 6:00AM.  It wasn't initial concern that made me shake my head--it was the B-A-G-G-A-G-E that caused her to send her concern in rapid fire.  Was she worried Outlook was out to get her too?  Just from her timestamps alone I read: panic, anxiety, fear, stress, and discomfort.  When your reader dives into your content with that perception of you, there's no way your message will be received clearly.  At 9:00AM she sent me an email apologizing for "overreacting"...

So it's almost 3:00AM here. I'm exhausted.  I just sent a professional email out to someone I've never met...a blogger's Molotov Cocktail.

If my timestamp truly is my first impression, I wonder what the recipient is thinking of me...

Cell Phones--I'm not judging, I'm just saying...

Paying homage to Wikipedia's definition of social media, cell phones most certainly "integrate technology, social interaction, and the construction of words, pictures, videos and audio".  A couple of my interactions with cell phones this week have made me wonder why we don't approach them with the same level of caution that we do our facebook accounts and blogs.  If Big Brother Corporate America really is watching, (s)he can certainly hear our obnoxious ringtones and probably doesn't worship the same God that the Blackberry Prayer reveres. 

I have a friend that always concludes any sort of opinion about the way someone lives their life with this SAME quote: "I'm not judging, I'm just saying..."  I thought I'd channel her for this post.  Here are a few tips:

1. Photos--In 2 interactions this week, I learned the cell phone has replaced the wallet for a holding area for baby and pet pictures.  That being said, if you are going to show off your children by handing off the phone, please include instructions about how to flip to the next picture and PLEASE ensure that private pictures not intended for consumption by others are not included in the line-up.  On one of my co-workers phones I recently went from admiring pictures of his daughter Madison and the puppies to clutching my pearls at a picture of some scantily clad gal with 5 inch clear heels...Um I'm not judging, I'm just saying....

2. Ring Tones--I'm all about personalizing the ringtones, but if yours is controversial please utilize the vibrate function on the phone.  And never underestimate the interpretation of lyrics.  What might be a tribute to some kid's drawing to one, may be an ode to LSD to another.  One of my colleagues phone plays "Hey there Delilah" by the Plain White T's every time a certain person (who works with him) calls.  I doubt there's anything going on but hearing "Oh its what you do to meeeee" right before a conversation could lead someone believe that something may or may not be going on within the ranks...I'm not judging, I'm just saying...

3.  Voicemail messages--On both ends, a bad voicemail message can be traumatic.  I've literally hung up after hearing greetings that don't sound conducive to any professional working environment.  Leave a greeting that is energetic, informative, and inviting and I'll gladly return the favor when I leave my message.  On the flip side I've deleted messages from people who've returned phone calls and then drone on and on via the voicemail.  It's just flat out annoying.  The daggone Oscar's limits people who are achieving one of the greatest honors of their lives to 45 seconds, why must you go above and beyond that???

...I'm not judging, I'm just saying...

Great Letters Are Life Changing

"Pennies make nickels, nickels make dimes, dimes make quarters, and quarters make dollars!" My mama used to say that when I questioned her instinct to stop traffic, put her hands in dirt, and dig into dusty seat cushions to pick up loose change.   It's very wise advice meaning that even the smallest, most insignificant thing, can lead to something of relevance.   

Today I googled "how to write a great cover letter".  I read over the advice but wasn't able to take it to heart.  I understand the goal of a great cover letter is to sell yourself but they all seemed so cold and watered down.  Some even offered templates where all you do is enter the name of the company and position. 

Since when did the ultimate sales pitch become cliche?

I know the power of letters first hand.  When I was applying to go to Chapel Hill, I was put on the waiting list as an out of state student [OSS].  You may or may not know, but its REALLY tough to get accepted as they are mandated by the UNC General Admin to take 82% of their student body from in-state.  I was heart broken when I received the news about their decision, but channeled that energy into something productive: I wrote.  While other kids were packing away and planning dorm layouts, I wrote.  It was April 10, 2003.   

I wrote the Board of Admissions a letter and I printed it on bright Carolina Blue paper before I licked the stamp and mailed it off.  In it I painted pictures of being exposed to UNC's legacy as a young'in because I watched my older brother attend basketball camp in Chapel Hill.   I went over my achievements with an uninhibited sense of pride because I felt like I had nothing to lose.  I talked about how I was aware of the challenges regarding acceptance as an OSS but moved past them and applied anyway.  And even THEN I talked about my mom and included yet another wise lesson: anything good is worth waiting for.  I signed it "A Tar Heel in Waiting" and scribbled my name.  I swear, a week later I received my acceptance letter and a scholarship for a brand new computer.

I looked over that letter today and 5 years later, I applauded myself for the courage it takes to believe. 

After my trip down memory lane, I tended towards the career advice I'd found with reckless abandonment.  Everything I do is guerrilla, baby.  I sat down to write my cover letter and wrote it just like I did my letter to UNC and just like I would any blog post (minus the expletives).  I had a stance, great content, and I even attached the proof (resume).  I was genuine and heartfelt and can only hope I conveyed that I am worth the chance.  And if not for the chance, that I'm at least worth meeting in person--the interview is half the battle.   

My fingers are crossed that I am considered for the position and that my boldness is not taken out of context.  But if it is, it probably wasn't the position for me...Because everything I do is guerrilla, baby

To take a note from my mama's logic: letters make words, words make job offers, job offers make careers, and careers change lives.  Don't slack on your cover letter, folks.    

Why Agreeing to Disagree Doesn't Make You More Likable...

I had a really great conversation with my best friend Sean at brunch today.  We challenged each other's assumptions, demanded proof, and in turn, provided great examples.  We did not "agree to disagree".  We did not just say "you're wrong". And we certainly did not use any name calling, low blows, or otherwise offensive techniques.

Our exchange made me think about conversations I have with people that don't go so smoothly. I work really hard to strengthen my arguments.  As a writer, I understand the power of words and I'm hungry for new knowledge.  I quickly digest the pudding so I can relish in the proof.  But I have to be honest, I experience a great deal of anxiety when people disagree.  I've been like that since I was a little girl and hid under the covers when my parents were having a spat.  And as an adult I feel like agreeing to disagree may be efficient, but it is ultimately passive aggressive and an oxymoron. I do it at times, but I sure don't like it.   

While I used to believe that self restraint was the sign of maturity, I am quickly learning that the real sign of maturity is being able to respectfully discuss differences of opinions--restraint often being one of them. 

Listening to gain insight into another persons perspective has become a lost art. As a manager, I have to do it everyday in order to be successful.  When I was in HR I found that often times I had to fully understand both sides arguments so that I could counter it.  I was the facilitator of solutions and I took it seriously.  It really took a mental toll on me--as a self-proclaimed introvert, caring about people I don't know is hard work.    

Robert Benchley once said there are two kinds of people in the world, those who believe there are two kinds of people in the world and those who don't.  It's true, some people just have to be contrary.  They insist on trying to kill flies with missiles or explain ridiculous notions like the possibility of picking up poop from the clean end.  The majority of us fall into another bucket: bad listeners.   

I think it boils down to our tendency to hear and read, rather than listen and comprehend.  We all interpret things differently based on how our lives have played out.  Most of the time people are arguing about what they think someone said or meant instead of what he actually said or meant.  Instead of probing to seek clarification (read: having a real conversation), it’s easier to fly off of the handle and/or make it personal.  Probably because probing takes time and energy, two traits that we often reserve for our relationships.

Which brings me to reason #499 on Why Relationships Matter: Because everyone has baggage but everyone doesn’t manage theirs properly.

Being a great conversationalist is about managing your baggage such that it doesn’t impede your ability to cultivate and maintain successful relationships.  Whether that relationship is with job security, corporate culture, or the person you are talking with--baggage tends to rear its ugly head when disagreement may abound.  Perhaps I've been scorned in the past, my baggage causes me to yell at you when we talk.  Perhaps I've felt unappreciated in the past, my baggage causes me to downplay your recognition.  Or my personal favorite--perhaps I made some bad choices, my baggage causes me expect you to do the same.

Nevertheless if the relationship is important enough, change will come.

As I read over the comments section on one of my favorite blogs, I realized that the Internet has made it so that people can create whatever reality they choose.  That fact alone makes the plight of being a great conversationalist even greater.  Winning an argument will soon be impossible.  There simply isn't one truth; when the rules change, the game changes.

The goal of any conversation shouldn't be being so aggressive with your rhetoric that one concedes to "being the bigger person", as much as our conversations should be about gaining an understanding.  Understanding does not signify agreement, but it does signify acceptance...

I need to have a tough conversation with my parents about quitting my job and temporarily moving back home.  Just thinking about it makes me extremely nervous.  I'm not sure if there will be disagreement but I have to admit that I'm comforted by some core ideas in this new game... 

The Millenial Mentee

Originally posted on www.theglasshammer.com.  Special thanks to Pamela Weinsaft and Nicki Gilmour for the opportunity!

Ah, the millennial.  We've grown up with a strong achievement orientation.  Our helicopter parents ensured that we got the best educations, practiced our instruments and participated in team sports to hone key skills like collaboration.  We took collaboration a step further and applied it on the web.  As a result we live in a world where we can be the first drafters of history with our blogs.  A world where you can find a virtual best friend faster than you can say QWERTY. We are idealistic, innovative, and entitled.  We are Generation Y—hear us roar!—then give us feedback on its virility, tone, diction, and ferocity.

Yes that's right, give us feedback on our ROOOAAAAAR...Oooh, how was that one?

See, one of the funny things about my generation is our strong dislike for ambiguity.  We're constantly seeking clarity and direction from those whose footsteps we instinctively follow.  And as corruption, recessions and bad business cause pillars of old school career advice to crumble before our eyes, our psyche thanks its lucky stars that there is still one piece of advice that stands strong and serves as the cornerstone of our career path: finding mentors.

Finding people is easy now.  So we find them.  All of a sudden mentors are like (opinions/assholes/armpits, etc.) and everybody has them...If possession is 9/10 of the law, the other tenth must be in the sustaining.  That's where the joy is and unfortunately, like the conclusion to the limerick about the Old Man From Nantucket, it's the part they never teach.

I can remember sending a development plan to one of my self-appointed mentors (a Regional HR Executive) for review.  I waited and waited for a response but never got one. As luck would have it, I saw her a few months later at a company event and we made the usual small talk.  Just when I was about to convince myself that perhaps she hadn't received it, she turns to me and says "Oh by the way I got your email, it's just that I've got a STACK of those stupid things from other people thiiis thick".

She didn't mean it harshly, but when she held up her thumb and pointer finger indicating a space that was just large enough for my shattered ego to nestle in, my shattered ego nestled.  And I became peeved. I felt like the victim of a mentoring booty call.  I'd love to say we made up in true happily-ever-after fashion, but in reality I never sent anything to her again and I regret that decision to this day.    

Fortunately, regret can be a great teacher.  From my experience I learned when dealing with a mentor there is a need for absolute truth-telling.  Time is money and there's not enough money in the bank to spend hours sorting through falsehoods.  We have to value their time as much, if not more, than they do.  It's risky because honesty strips you down to one of your most vulnerable traits: your intent.  Turns out my intent in the case above was validation and not development.  I would've been better off sending repeated "Hey, do you think I'm good at what I do?" emails. Sounds ridiculous, right?

It's important for all parties to realize the mentor/mentee relationship is not one of a parasitic nature where the host is the only one always exploited.  There is an implicit burden of responsibility on the mentee.  Mentees must possess an inherent discipline that allows them to listen even when they disagree, be organized enough to always ask great questions, and understand that at the end of the day they are still the ones accountable for their decisions.  In essence, an effective mentee should be able to extract from a person's life without being taxing.  When you start becoming taxing rather than someone people want to have around, you become an anchor.  Anchors are not where it's at...

Now, about that roar... 

Three Reasons Why It's Good To Be Angry

Oscar Wilde once said "the world belongs to the discontented."  Tom Peters once advised to never promote people that weren't angry.  And last but not least, Seth Godin once blogged that "Angry people are different".  And they're all spot on--and not just because guru's are always spot on.  But because last week I was angry and I friggin loved it.

Embracing your anger may be the most radical idea since pole dancing as cardio, but I'd like to suggest it to all those reading. Below are 3 benefits I've encountered by embracing my inner grumpy.

1. My productivity skyrocketed--Honestly, I was driven by the need to prove a point.  Perhaps it's my insistence on being right or maybe it's just the rebel in me.  But if you think I'm not ready, I'll show you that I am.  So I took the feedback and made it applicable.  All of a sudden I was stepping outside of my comfort box, influencing my peers, embracing challenges, and even opening myself up to being wrong.  I was doing all the things that are in the "how to be a great leader" manual and, at the same time, all the things that I deemed difficult...until I became angry. 

2. My credibility skyrocketed--Credibility isn't always earned when you're young in your career; in fact, most of the time it's given. The notion that it can be earned at twenty-something gives a false sense of control.  As my mentor once said, "the only way to be credible is to be GREAT".  For most of us rat racers, great is still in the eyes of the boss beholder. Once my productivity improved, my beholder felt I was producing great things and producing them in a timely manner.  Ask Gen X, achievements that are packaged as "validated" are a much easier pill to swallow than achievements that just make you feel good... 

3. Good feelings skyrocketed--I tell you what, it's a lot easier to feel good things when "really really bad" is your starting point.  Finding a reason to actually stop and smell some daggone roses is difficult when you're on a roll, but when your world begins to resemble that of a septic tank, trust me you're searching for a rose!...Any rose!  My anger gave life to niceties that are often ignored in a weak attempt to manage performance by prioritizing thank you's. 

I'm not suggesting that we all walk around mad but with benefits like these, it certainly makes it easier to accept that smiling really CAN hurt your health...   

Healthy Competition 101

I met with my interns the day before they went for their final interview.   I had each of them close their eyes and draw 3 horizontal lines across a blank sheet of 8.5x11 paper creating 4 distinct sections.  I then asked them to answer 1 of these 4 questions within each section:

1. Why would I promote you?
2. What scared you most about your internship?
3. Why would I work for you?
4. Who are you?

There were no stipulations except that they had to fill whatever space they had. I stepped out of the room and gave them a few minutes to write their answers.  One they finished I began to randomly call them out in groups of 2 or 4.  I would ask the newly formed groups one of the 4 questions and in turn they would slowly they give life to the scribbles on the paper by reading them aloud.  After each group finished reading I would pose one of the following probing questions relating back to the original 4:

1. So who gets the job?
2. Who's fear scared you the most?
3. Who would you trust your career development to?
4. Who becomes your confidant? 

At first, group-think took over as they unabashedly claimed "oh gosh that's hard, I would hire everyone!" Fortunately it soon dissipated, and second guessing became second nature as they realized that real choices were about to be made.  Excuses like "well you didn't tell us we'd be reading them out loud!" were met with responses like "how does that change your answer?" and quickly obliterated.   

For the first time I was asking them to look beyond the camaraderie and view each other as competition.  I think that scared them...and I could care less.  Turns out 7 of the 9 interns will receive offers to come on board full time.  The other 2 will be referred to this post (I kid. I kid.)

Call me an outlier, but I'm a member GenY that never received a 14th place trophy.  As a result, I love a good dose of competition.  I love being surrounded by real people who are doing really great things because it motivates me more than any amount of commas on a check could ever do.  Not in a pepper-spray-in-your-pageant-dress kind of way, but in a healthy "you-should-be-doing-this-but-better" kind of way.

The main difference between healthy competition and the other kind of competition is healthy competition has an ulterior motive that goes beyond just selecting a winner.  Healthy competition incites you out of a complacency and false sense of greatness that's usually caused by previous undeserved recognition and hooray's.  It's a reality check like no other. 

Recently I found out I got passed up for an opportunity I really wanted.  I've been looked over for it before but this time was different.  This time felt personal and I'm really starting to feel some kind of way about it.  See that's the other thing about healthy competition; sometimes it can even renew an oft underrated, yet value-added trait: being pissed the hell off!

You Can Argue Anything: Gen Y'ers and Serial Killers

CNN.com had a link to my blog featured at the bottom of the homepage of one their articles that I mentioned here.  I got some interesting traffic and a few emails from readers.  One reader decided that he should email me noting that he never hears anyone arguing the benefits of slavery.  He continued to give me 2 reasons why slavery was a good thing (it caused unity among the African nations, and it got black folk out of Africa).  While I didn't dignify his email with a response, he was further proof that everything can be an argument. 

So I thought I'd give it a whirl and present my own argument: Gen Y'ers are young, fabulous, and Serial Killers

I've arrived at my conclusion due the simple fact that we share a lot (a lot being 4) of traits with the likes of American Icons like...hmm, Hannibal Lecter? Keep reading...

1. Almost all serial killers are in their 20s-30s, male, and white--Okay so I may not be able to make this applicable to Gen Y as I'm not sure what the male/female ratio is and we're supposed to be colorblind.  But what I CAN do is draw from what I've learned about arguing in the blogosphere.  All I have to do is deflect away from my original point by either adding a political spin ("Race Mixing 101: Is America ready to put a black man on a green dollar bill?"), a spiteful response ("talking about anything other than CAREERS on brazen blogs is like school on a Saturday--no class"), or a self-appreciating comment ("I don't have to prove it, I'm Gen Y and we google our proof).  And BAM! I just killed the implicit structure of an argument.   

2. Serial killers switch jobs frequently--Yes that's right, most serial killers have jobs! However, the frustration that we feel when advancement and recognition doesn't come soon enough is not exclusive to us. Their frustration leads them to commit crimes of passion just like when we quit our jobs or decide to get ballsy on our bosses.  Serial killers imagine unlimited success.  They are fearless and feel they are special and should be regarded as different from everyone else.  In fact, that same job related frustration serves as a benefit.  According to Police Chief Kennison, "it's very difficult to track someone who comes into a community, commits a crime, then leaves".  Ya damn right it is, Chief!--and I'm sure a lot of recruiters feel the same way.  Oh shit...I think I just killed the Exit Interview.   

3. Serial killers enjoy a sense of entitlement--Serial killers are jaded about the importance of themselves versus the importance of others.  Even though they understand murder is wrong, they like to think that they are entitled to whatever it is they want and shouldn't have to pay a consequence, exert any effort, or suffer through some type of precedent (you know, like the Justice System or good ol' fashioned Gen X dues). 

4. Serial killers are a product of their environment--Serial killers can't be blamed for their actions, they are a product of a culture that accepts violence more and more.  Most have experienced some sort of trauma.  Similar in notion, we grew up with cartoons that had just as much violent acts in a one hour segment as a prime-time news channel (Itchy&Scratchy, anyone?).  I mean, McGruff was a cute idea but who can really blame us for our murderous sprees? We've witnessed 9/11, O.J. Simpson, hell even Rodney King affects my choice to be Black in America every day...Can't we all just get along? 

So there you have it--Gen Y'ers are serial killers and satire is the new black.  Maybe we haven't progressed in our psychosis to murdering actual people, but we have been able to kill several cultural dinosaurs.  That'd scare me too.  Perhaps fear is the source of all the generational tension, or it could just be that Baby Boomers are the real OG's and committed crimes that were way more vicious. 

Just keep in mind that as we mount our high horses and proclaim to be the best generation since, well since the last generation who claimed to be the best generation, our intentions are self serving as pure as a serial killer.